went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
