Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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