Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
