just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
