If that was your dad, he is hot
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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