Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
