I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
