his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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