Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
