It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
