In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
