So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
