didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
