Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
