Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
