I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
