One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
