i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
