I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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