officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
