I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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