Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
