So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
