You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize