Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
