i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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