I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize