Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Sponge bath it is.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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