even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
