Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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