we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
