This girl is more easily done than said...
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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