i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
