just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
