Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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