I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
