i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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