Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
