...so i touched it.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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