dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
