i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
