question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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