i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
