So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
