So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
