Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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