The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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