I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize