the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
