then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
