i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
