My first STD was from a foam party
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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