Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
