i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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