I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
