He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
