his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
