And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
