Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
