Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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