i was born a porn star she said
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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