It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
