Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
