If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
pop tarts are not kleenex
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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