i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
