Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
