It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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