Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
