worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
