you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
