Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
