I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
