i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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