there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
