I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
If sex isnβt mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, Iβm not interested...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
