I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
