You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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