I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Randomize
