I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
