dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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