dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
