i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
