her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
