Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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