Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
