Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
