I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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