Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She bit a glass in half.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
