Too much gin, very little bucket
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize