i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
