I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
