So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
