Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
