would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
