The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
