i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
