I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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