so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
