If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
