i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
