So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
