im about as happy as oj after his trial
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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