Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
pray to the hookup gods
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
