I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
