She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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