her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
