I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
